do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
