hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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