How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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