I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
