i jhust puked up my retainher.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
