She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
