no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
