remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
