Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
sarcasm needs its own font
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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