when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
