there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
