Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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