Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I puked a lego.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
