I've blown a few things in my day
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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