How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
