Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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