I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
