Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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