whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
