How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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