I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
