I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
