he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
