My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There r osticjed everywhere
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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