nut hugger
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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