flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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