We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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