I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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