NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
