I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
either way he was missing a nipple.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm like, not good at living.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
