Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
