That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
