Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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