I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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