I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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