i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
