WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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