I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
