who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
