someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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