i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
