my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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