Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
