Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
