Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
