Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
