I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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