i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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