do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
accomplished twins. life is a go
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
