I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
