dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
