I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
