Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
