she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
