I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I am mentally ready for anal.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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