38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
